Friday, October 12, 2012

Who's Our Kids' Genetic Father?

We understand people are naturally curious, and that this question is likely one we will encounter often. Most families that are readily identifiable as atypical--whether they're gay, multiracial, or adoptive--should expect more questions than the typical Brady Bunch. [Although the Bradys would probably generate a raft of questions these days, too, come to think of it.] 

From the outset, John and I have agreed that who supplied the genetic material for our children is of less importance than the fact we are both 100% committed to our children. They are, and will always be greatly loved by their devoted 2 fathers.

As far as their ethnicity is concerned, we have insured that our children have genetically one parent who is of Asian descent (with similar features to John), and one parent of Caucasian descent (with similar features to me). Our children are biracial, and they will blend seamlessly into our biracial family.

Though we understand it’s only natural to be curious about who supplied the genetic material (sperm & eggs), we are under no obligation to satisfy people’s curiosity in this respect (remember the old proverb “curiosity killed the cat”). We don't think as gay parents, we should have to seek "acceptance" or "get fans," any more than a straight married couple "needs" such external validation. And why should anybody have the implied obligation to satisfy someone's curiosity. That having been said we feel that this question is too personal to answer. 

We respectfully say to anyone inquiring (outside of our immediate family of 4) that the answer to this question is none of their business. 


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Our Gay Pumpkin Family

It's Autumn in Clifton, and we've been decorating with pumpkins...

It's our future family in pumpkins. Only John & I know the significance of this display. I'm the one on the left, John's on the right, & our little unborn twins are the cutey pumpkin heads.

We're so ready for them to be born. I can't wait for the day I can to do crafts like this with them. They will be so loved... Please be born kids; we need you desperately; but come on time, not too early.

Here's some other Autumn pictures from around our house.
As you likely know, one of my hobbies is gardening...

    Left side view as you approach the front of our house.

 I'm surprised these roses are blooming so well, so late. These are called 'Easy Going' roses, & are so fragrant. I wish this picture was a "scratch & sniff" 

This is the 2nd year for these 'Autumn Joy' sedum. They are doing so well, the big ones are over 3 ft. tall!

The mums are doing beautifully. I planted these mums in 2010, & they do so well. I feel so good when I see them come back every year. They are like my dear little garden friends.

Last big harvest of the basil. The nights are getting too cold. The stems are blackening, leaves yellowing & wilting. But I was still able to harvest this last big pan full. Pesto anybody? :o)

Thanks for letting me share these pictures with you.

WHY THE SECRECY? So far, 20 weeks & growing!

It's hard to believe it's already been 20 weeks (& 3 days). The future arrival of our twins is shorter than the journey we've traveled thus far. We've received some awesome 3D pictures of the little womb dwellers from our surrogacy clinic. So cute, but a little alien looking. I'll post them here.


At times, it feels like this has been such a long journey, progressing at a snail's pace. I'm tired of the wait. It's like a long marathon, but the goal is in sight.

 I'm also a little scared. Why? Not at the thought of having kids, twins. After all, I'm a peds nurse. I'm used to screaming sick children, and I've cared for 4 to 12 of them at a time. No, what scares me is loosing the kids. That we may loose them along the way, and they'll never get the chance to be born. That we will have to endure another miscarriage like our first pregnancy.

 As a result of this fear, we've tried to distance ourselves somewhat emotionally from the process. Something easier said than done. To help us do that, we've kept this pregnancy a secret. So, that if things don't work out others won't be effected, disappointed, etc. So, here I am writing a blog for now that is for my eyes only, about our surrogacy journey that is a secret between us. For now at least....

Friday, July 20, 2012


twins, 7 Weeks 5 days old...very, very tiny. Hello babies! Please, keep growing :o)

I always wanted a family, but as a single young gay adult never really thought it possible. Then I met John, and my dreams of sharing my life with someone special came true. 

From the very beginning we knew we had much in common. One thing we both shared was a desire to enlarge our family. If possible, we wanted to expand our small family by at least one kid at some future date. How, and exactly when, we did not know.

We moved to Clifton with many goals in mind. One major goal was a less hectic home-life, with room to grow. A step in the direction for enlarging our family.

"Why not adopt?" If you've ever adopted a child you are to be commended. Also, you understand the unique problems or hurdles that must be overcome before, during, and after the adoption process. We looked into this extensively, and decided it would not be our first choice. We decided that surrogacy would be a better option for us.

"Why India?" When we decided on gestational surrogacy (egg donor & surrogate are not related) we realized immediatly that the biggest hurdle was financial. Here in the USA the price tag is between $80,000-$120,000 (on the higher end for twins, or complications). When we began researching a few years ago that cost for us was prohibitive, so we began looking overseas at surrogacy clinics in other countries.

It took about a year before deciding that India would be an ideal place for us. We found a surrogacy center who's goals seemed to harmonize with ours, SCI Healthcare ( The staff was friendly. The managing doctor Shivani Gour, MD had overseen hundreds of successful births, and was loved and well respected by her many clients. We then chose an egg donor that mirrored our own combination of Asian/Caucasian ethnicity, giving our children that desired blend. Then we decided on a surrogate to carry our child/children. Then there was the medical and legal issues to get in order. By early 2012 things were in place, and invitro fertilization was performed

Our first attempt ended with a miscarriage in early 2012, and that was very discouraging. We decided to immediately give it another try, and that attempt was a success (as the above documents can attest to).We hoped for one, but we were blessed with twins! 

p.s. Here's a New York Times article from March 10, 2008,  about surrogacy in India. Thought I thought you might enjoy reading about how surrogacy began in India (the information about costs, etc., are outdated).




The surrogacy appeals to married couples, unmarried couples, heterosexual couples, gay couples and single parents. Just take a look at the expansive list of celebrities who have have used surrogacy to start or expand the family:

  • Deidre Hall and Steve Sohmer: David
  • Deidre Hall and Steve Sohmer: Tully
  • Robert De Niro and Toukie Smith: twins Julian and Aaron

  • Kelsey and Camille Grammer: Mason
  • Michael Jackson: Michael Jackson II (aka Blanket)
  • Joan Lunden and Jeff Konigsberg: twins Max and Kate
  • Peri Gilpin and Christian Vincent: twins Stella and Ava
  • Kelsey and Camille Grammer: Jude
  • Joan Lunden and Jeff Konisgberg: twins Jack and Kimberly

  • Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance: twins Bronwyn and Slater
  • Katey Sagal and Kurt Sutter: Esme
  • Dennis Quaid and Kimberly Buffington: twins Thomas and Zoe
  • Marisa Jaret Winokur and Judah Miller: Zev
  • Ricky Martin: twins Matteo and Valentino
  • Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick: twins Marion and Tabitha
  • Michelle Stafford: Natalia

  • Cristiano Ronaldo: Cristiano
  • Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka: twins Gideon and Harper
  • Chris Daughtry and Deanna Daughtry: twins Adalynn Rose and Noah James
  • Elton John and David Furnish: Zachary
  • Vern Yip: Gavin
  • Bill Horn and Scout Masterson: Simone
  • Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban: Faith Margaret
  • Elizabeth Banks and Max Handelman: Felix, March 2011
  • Robert De Niro and Grace Hightower:  Helen
  • Alexis Stewart: Jude
  • Vern Yip: Vera
  • Alexis Stewart: Truman



Our Wedding

One of the happiest days of our lives, August 20, 2007...a beginning.

A brief history...

      John is of Chinese/Vietnamese descent; his family having immigrated to the USA when he was 3 years old. He moved from New Orleans to NYC when he was 10 years old. His family settled in Flushing, Queens, & set up shop in Manhattan's Chinatown on Canal St. John later went to school, & became an accountant.

      I was born in the Ozark Mountains of northwestern Arkansas. Ours was a rural life. My family grew a garden,  & raised some livestock (some pigs, chickens, guineas, & rabbits) for food. I also lived a few years in Oklahoma City. When I was 19, I  moved to New York City in 1995, settling in Brooklyn Heights, NY.  When I met John, I was living in Jersey City, & in the process of switching careers. I was in nursing school.

      John & I first met, in person, on the Manhattan-side entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked across the bridge & had brunch at the Clark St. Diner. After that first walk there were a few things we both agreed on - monogamy, marriage, & a family. It was soon afterwards, we began pursuing those goals together.

      August 20, 2007, was our official, legal, contracted beginning. A promise made to each other before witnesses  & the world, of our shared love & pursuit of life's goals. It has been 5 wonderful years!

Our house July 2012

Here's our lovely little house in Clifton, NJ. Our neighborhood is quiet, & the neighbors friendly. We know many of them by name, & even exchange Christmas gifts & cards with a few. There are two other gay couples on our block. Next door lives Don & Gary, & a few houses down on the opposite side of the street live Ira & Patric. I especially enjoy gardening, I put in the flower gardens myself :o)